Hi y’all. It’s Friday instead of posting our favorites I wanted to share from my heart. This is my last Friday as a host of Friday Favorites. Our business is expanding and I’m actually running the store where I’m selling my Dixie Belle paints, rescued furniture, and other merchandise. It’s a lot to juggle so I’m letting go of this facet of what I do. Please be sure you’re following me on Facebook at Under a Texas Sky. I’ll also still be sending out monthly newsletters to those who subscribe to the blog.
I’m actually not posting favorites today. I wanted to talk about something that has happened in our family. A member of my extended family- a precious 13 year old girl; vibrant, smart, and full of life, killed herself on Wednesday. We’re still trying to process how this could have happened. In the midst of grief we’re searching for answers. Were their warning signs? What was missed? How could we have prevented this? I know in the weeks and months to come, some things will reveal themselves but it won’t change the outcome.
There are no easy answers. When you are the parent of such an intelligent, overachiever, there likely aren’t many obvious warning signs. It’s like in 2013 before our son-in-law was diagnosed with the cancer that ended up being fatal. We didn’t look for the warning signs of colon cancer before his diagnosis. “Healthy” 27-year-olds don’t tend to contract colon cancer, so why look for warning signs? By the time he realized something wasn’t right, it was too late.
I can only imagine that Alli, that’s her name, Alli, who was a straight A student, quick with a smile or a funny quip, put lots pressure on herself to be perfect, so much so she may have been reluctant to tell someone she was struggling. You may have children like this. I did. I never had to ride my kids over their grades, their reputation, or their success. The put enough pressure on themselves; striving to be perfect, they didn’t need it from me as well. Honestly, I wouldn’t have known if they were struggling with depression. I don’t know that they would have told me. They knew our expectation for them was to strive for perfection. To always do their very best. They might have thought it would disappoint us to know there was something not quite right going on with them.
Today, in light of this tragedy, I would certainly have talked to them about the hard things. I’d tell them how proud I am of all of their accomplishments. But I’d add that it’s okay, though, if they are having any kinds of problems. I’d let them know how much I wanted to hear about their struggles, that they could never disappoint me. I’m hopeful that all parents who may read this would purposefully do the same.
You’d never have guessed that this beautiful child was struggling. Some people, overachievers specifically, are good at hiding struggles. And when the person is just a child, it can become too much. Never would I have thought that this could ever, possibly be the outcome of her little life. None of us could. I know there are thousands of other children just like Alli. On the surface everything seems like they have the world on a string, but in reality, they are barely hanging on by a thread.
Talk to you kids. Reiterate to them how much you love them. If something, even something small seems amiss, explore it, get them help. If there are obvious signs, get them help. In other words, Get. Them. Help.
Mostly though, first listen and love.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline- 1-800-273-8255
Handan
November 30, 2019 @ 12:43 pm
I’m so sorry for your and your family’s loss. I’m sending my prayers to you all. May God give you the strength and the patience to help you through these difficult times.
Kelly
November 30, 2019 @ 1:17 pm
Handan- Thank you so much for your kind words. There will always be more questions than answers, but God is ever faithful. You guys are amazing by the way. 🙂
Kenny Peters
September 16, 2019 @ 5:16 am
The story has stayed with me since reading it and was an underlying cause for me to direct some anger at unattached people for general insensitivity.. I thought of you, I thought of her family, I thought of all her friends who just be grieving with so many questions and pain and anger that is such an unnecessary byproduct of this act.. And my heart just breaks for everyone involved. Thank you for continuing to share this information Kelly and reminding people that yes, it is very important to talk about everything – the good, the bad, and everything in between.
Kelly
September 16, 2019 @ 10:55 pm
Kenny- I’ve had several people mention to me how they have the same kind of hopeless feelings that sweet Alli must have been feeling. I just hope that our talking about what happened will help others to reach out for help. We’re still just scratching our heads trying to understand. People need to realize that everyone has a purpose. Everyone matters. Of course my faith helps me remember that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” God has a purpose for all of us. Clinical depression is just so crippling for people. I wish I knew the answer. I really appreciate you reaching out and getting the conversation going. It’s very difficult. Hugs…
Tara Nevil
September 14, 2019 @ 12:55 pm
Our deepest condolence!!! She will be missed!!! Praying for everyone that knew and love her!!
Kelly
September 14, 2019 @ 2:25 pm
Tara- Thank you for your prayers. She was a beautiful girl and loved by all. -Kelly
Danny Hoard
September 14, 2019 @ 11:37 am
This could have been an accidental shooting. I hope thats what comes out. Hate hearing about you and your families loss.
Kelly
September 14, 2019 @ 2:25 pm
Danny- It’s a tragedy for sure. So many questions. Thank you for your prayers.
Shuntae Richardson
September 14, 2019 @ 12:11 am
Kelly,
I’m so sorry to hear of such loss. You all are in my prayers. Thanks for sharing this story with the world. I do not have kids of my own, but I have nieces and nephews. In addition, I’m an educator. Sharing your story reminds me to remind my students/ family to open up if they are struggling with anything . in life.
Thanks so much Kelly, praying for strength !
Shuntae
Kelly
September 14, 2019 @ 2:23 pm
Shuntae- Thank you so much. You have such a vital role as a teacher. We just don’t know what our kids are really carrying and you have such a great opportunity to make a difference in their lives. I appreciate your prayers and encouragement. – Kelly
Connie Zunic
September 13, 2019 @ 10:58 pm
Kelly my condolences. But it’s not just kids. My 81 year old father committed suicide last year. Signs? Probably but we thought it was just getting old. Just love your family – and for God’s sake – tell them every day!
Kelly
September 14, 2019 @ 2:22 pm
Connie- I did not know that about your dad. I’m so sorry. And yes- we definitely need to love each other and be sure we make it clear to the people who mean the most. Thanks Connie.
Paula
September 14, 2019 @ 7:58 pm
So very sorry for the loss of this sweet child. Prayers for all who are her family and friends.
Kelly
September 16, 2019 @ 10:44 pm
Paula- Thank you so much. Prayers are much appreciated.
Jeanne
September 13, 2019 @ 10:14 pm
Sorry for you & your family. I know the brokenness you feel. I have lost 2 of my 3 sons. One at age 20 in a car wreck & the other age 52 from a massive heart. Life will be different now. God has been with me & my family and has been with us every step of the way. If I can ever be of help to you let me know. Because of my loss & another lady we now have a group for Mother’s who have Lost Children. I will be praying for you🌈.
Kelly
September 14, 2019 @ 2:20 pm
Jeanne- God love your heart. You’ve experienced such loss! I know that God’s strength is perfect in our weakness. I love that you have the support group, sometimes you just need people who’ve been where you are. I appreciate you reaching out, it’s means so much. -Kelly
Joan Sconyers
September 13, 2019 @ 6:08 pm
So sorry for your family’s loss. Prayers for all😢🙏❤️
Kelly
September 14, 2019 @ 2:17 pm
Joan- Thank you so much for your prayers. -Kelly
Terry
September 13, 2019 @ 5:54 pm
Kelly, my heart goes out to all the family, I had a brother take his life at the age of 32. Time with God’s help make it easier to bare. At the time and for a long time we wrestled with that day we seen him to us we thought he was all right, but as our hearts healed some, I could look back and something just was right!! He was not totally hisself . I guess what I’m saying is we all really just need to slow down and pay closer attention to the signs of depression, I have suffered many years with depression and it definitely isn’t fun and it’s not something you can just shake off. But over time I did and then I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and the medicine that they treat you with is antidepressants I told my Dr. but I’m not depressed but that’s how they treat it and help with the pain. I tried quitting them and I found out pretty quick that it was something I would have to continue to take to help manage the pain. Sorry I’m rambling!! Again I’m sooo sorry for the loss of a Beautiful girl, my heart and Prayers go out to you all.
Kelly
September 14, 2019 @ 2:16 pm
Terry- Thank you so much for reaching out. I’m sorry for your loss as well. It’s a very difficult thing for sure. You should always accept the help keeps you able to get through life. Listen to your doctor and be sure he listens to you. I appreciate the kind words and encouragement. -Kelly
Frances
September 13, 2019 @ 4:40 pm
I am so sorry for you and your familys loss my heart and prayers go out to all
Kelly
September 14, 2019 @ 2:14 pm
Frances- Thank you so much for taking time to send some love. – Kelly
Rhonda Edmonds
September 13, 2019 @ 2:25 pm
My heart goes out to you and her Mother. I was at the candle light vigil last night and heard all the uplifting things her fellow friends had to say. I felt it was my duty to just be there to hug anyone who needed it or lend a shoulder to cry on or should I say with, but also as a broken Mom who buried my 20 year old son 4 years ago. Of course it was under different circumstances but at the end of the day we still lost our babies. I still have so many unanswered questions as to what happened, could I have done something and the list goes on and on so I can say that I know exactly how this Mom feels. My heart literally hurts for all of you and I will pray daily for your family as I do for mine.
With much love
Rhonda
Kelly
September 14, 2019 @ 2:14 pm
Rhonda- Thank you so much for your support for the community as well as for Christi as she deals with this loss. I know how horrible losing our son-in-law was, but losing your actual child I know must be so much worse. Thank you for your prayers and continued good thoughts. -Kelly
Joy
September 13, 2019 @ 1:26 pm
Kelly so sorry that I mis named in my comment. I was thinking about all you had written and glanced at the previous comment and typed incorrectly.
Kelly so many things happening in your life. I have always appreciated that you hosted Friday Favorites.
So very saddened and sorry to read the news of your extended family member Alli. You have shared an issue Kelly that is so important and so hard to watch out for. Your message today resonated and raised my worries about a family member and I thank you for this.
Hugs Joy
Kelly
September 14, 2019 @ 2:05 pm
Joy- I knew you mistakenly used that name. No worries at all. Thank you so much for your kindness and sweet words. I appreciate you. -Kelly
Denise
September 13, 2019 @ 1:22 pm
Words cannot describe the sadness I feel for you in the tragic loss of such a beautiful young girl. My family also suffered loss of my nephew at the young age of 15. The pain and emptiness of such a loss never goes away. Cherish the memories she has left for all and she will live on in your hearts 💔
Kelly
September 13, 2019 @ 1:28 pm
Denise- Bless y’all’s hearts. It just shouldn’t happen. I’m sorry for your loss as well. Only God knows…
Joy
September 13, 2019 @ 1:19 pm
Heart breaking Susan. Prayers for your families.
Joy
Susan
September 13, 2019 @ 12:16 pm
Many prayers for you and your family during this most tragic time. May God provide some peace of mind to you in this time of so much confusion and uncertainty. May he give all of you to get you through the days ahead.
Kelly
September 13, 2019 @ 1:16 pm
Susan- Thank you so much for your kindness. We appreciate your prayers. Blessings- Kelly